Drawing Closer – Lenten Journey

I have been being slack in my blog posts and I promise to do better in Lent. Below is a post I wrote on the Winthrop Wesley blog (wuwesley.wordpress.com) that I am posting here as well because in the days to come I may need some accountability as I am led by the Holy Spirit of what this 40 days of wilderness will be.

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Our text at this past week’s worship service was James 1:19-27 which is a familiar part of James. Verse 22 says, “But be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves.”

It’s a passage that is lifted up in a lot of Protestant congregations and we looked at it in particular leading up to today, Ash Wednesday.

Last week I had the honor and joy to speak at a conference for young adults in ministry. Relevance LEAD was a great time of talking with other pastors and lay people in ministry that were my age, to dream about the possibilities and life of the church, and to share in friendship, community building and collegiality. It was a special time. And something completely different than a typical conference as the speakers were part of the conference just like everyone else and we all have a vested interest in sharing these ideas and musings.

I liked that it was set up to dream big dreams and engage but there was another part of me that kept itching for the nuts and bolts, what would happen when the rubber hits the road. Each person was wrestling with similar things and were living out their faith and that of their community in mighty ways, but it still begged the question of what this means for our greater church. I felt a bit like James – let’s not just talk about this and know that we all feel in similar ways, but let’s do it.

It’s all well and good to talk the big talk, but if we go back home from this conference and it doesn’t change how we think or how we do things, if we don’t take away friendships that will continue as we journey together, if we don’t actually begin the first steps of these big dreams – what’s the point? It’s good to know that you’re not alone, but if we stay completely in the theoretical, than it can sometimes just be hot air and words.

Just like this Lenten season. I’ve heard students buzzing about what they’re giving up for Lent and that seems like the big question of the next couple of days. I admit, I didn’t grow up with a huge emphasis on giving things up or adding things to my life and I didn’t really do it until college. One of those years I gave up popcorn, which was my current obsession. The next year, I gave up M&M Mcflurries. Now that was all well and good and I think I could rationalize them as a step to be healthy but even that would be a stretch with all of the rest of the junk I eat.

You see, it’s not just about what we give up or add – it’s about whether those things draw us closer to God. Several of our students have talked about giving up facebook. One is giving up three hours a day with her phone – not just class time or when she’s asleep, but three hours where she won’t be checking it all the time. She plans on this being time where she can draw closer to God. Another student has covenanted to intentionally pray three times a day for the season of Lent. If you’re just giving up chocolate or ice cream or coffee for the heck of it and it’s not something that’s drawing you closer to God – what’s the point? I get the idea of sacrifice but I also think if we just do the sacrifice and we’re not adding things like reading scripture, doing a daily devotion, writing down things that we’re thankful for, renewing an old friendship, sending words of encouragement to friends, or walking in the outdoors with God in nature – than we’re fooling ourselves into thinking that we have this thing covered. It’s not about choosing something so that if someone asks us about it – we can give a ready made answer, but choosing something because we have invited the Holy Spirit into our lives and have opened ourselves to see the areas that we might need to work on.

One of the students Monday night after worship described it as a giant Pinterest board where you’ve “pinned” all these different things and they look nice and easy and like things that you would like to do “one day,” but you never actually get around to doing them. James is saying – do it now. Lent is calling us forth to realizing that yes we are dust and to dust we will return, but in the meantime let us draw close to God and walk this road.

My brother Josh is doing a Lenten series called “Holy Walkabout” and I love the idea of Lent being this special time where we’re walking with God into the wilderness. We don’t always know what we’re going to discover or the ways that God will reveal God’s self. We don’t always know what areas we need to work on in our lives because I don’t know about you, but I’m a pretty good rationalizer. I would say that I’m exceptional when it comes to finding ways to eat junk food. It defeats the purpose of Lent for me to negotiate back and forth if this counts or if that counts. Because when we open ourselves to the Spirit’s leading and we actually go all in with this thing, we realize that it’s not just about us or having something to say when people ask, but it’s about wanting to be part of this larger story of God’s love and grace for us and how we can best live that out so that the world may know God.

So are you going to keep pinning the things that you want to do on a giant to do list to do eventually or you going to actually start chipping away at some of these possibilities right now?

God’s not going to hand out gold stars for those that participate and unsmiley faces for those that don’t. It’s not about that. But it is about deepening that relationship and trusting that real change, habitual change can take place in 40 days.

So think about it…ask the Holy Spirit to come and guide you…what are some ways you can draw close to God this Lenten season? What are some things that hinder or road block your relationship? What are some ways that we can intentionally live out our faith right now?

Dig in.

Why not some small rebellions during Lent?

Kathy Bostrom, wise woman that she is posted to her facebook status, “I never have given up something for Lent. Instead, I try to add one more prayer, one more act of kindness, one more word of grace, one more way of being the Love of God for God’s children. Join me?”

I loved that sentiment.  It reminded me of Jars of Clay’s song, “Small Rebellions.”  If we spent our days doing these small rebellions what a world it would be.  If we intentionally practiced this, not just for Lent, but for always – wowzers what could happen?

God of the break and shatter
Hearts in every form still matter
In our weakness help us see
That alone we’ll never be
Lifting any burdens off our shoulders

If our days could be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
Push against the current and the fall
The current and the fall

God of the warn and tattered
All of Your people matter
Give us more than words to speak
Cause we are hearts and arms that reach
And love climbs up and down the human ladder

Give us days to be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
Push against the current and the fall
The current and the fall

The fall

We will never walk alone again
No, we will never walk alone again
No, we will never walk alone again

Give us days to be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
Push against the current and the fall
Give us days to be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
Push against the current and the fall
The current and the fall

The fall…

Fasting from Distractions

Since Monday I’ve been having some back pain.  When you have fibromyalgia and you have two toddlers that you may or may not pick up all the time, it’s not all that surprising to have some aches and pain.  Generally I would just think no big deal but, I couldn’t sleep last night and ended up having a fitful night of sleep on my back.  I never, ever sleep on my back.  Yep, I feel like I’m whining now, and on Ash Wednesday no less.

I’m preaching the Ash Wednesday sermon tonight at a local church and the students are tagging along with me.  One of our students is hearing impaired and she and her amazing interpreter, one of our other students are both coming tonight.  Erica (the interpreter) was excited about going until I told her I was preaching.  Just kidding…a bit.  She knows that I talk fast and my hands are always moving and trying to interpret with my randomness is an exercise in and of itself.  She asked if I could give her some notes about what I’m preaching on.  That’s fair, right?

But all I can think about is this dull and sometimes sharp ache in my back.  It is driving me crazy today.  To dust we will become, heck – we’re already beginning to fall apart and feel like that dust sometimes.  As much as this distracts me from work, having a coherent conversation with someone, actually being pastoral or even listening at all at this point, I think about all those that deal every day with a dull or sharp pain.  This pain is not always physical, but often emotional, spiritual, psychological, really real.  We each carry around past hurts or wounds.  We each have moments of uncertainty, fear, and doubt in the midst of painful situations or the reminders of those painful situations.

I read a post on neue magazine earlier today (http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fneuemagazine.com%2Findex.php%2Fblog%2F6-main-slideshow%2F1200-lent-and-fasting-from-the-voice-in-your-head%3Futm_source%3DNeue%2BWeekly%26utm_campaign%3Db18167bb08-Neue_Weekly_03_09_11%26utm_medium%3Demail&h=e24ef) that talked about fasting from the voice inside your head.  The voice that tells you you’re not good enough, smart enough or pretty enough.  The voice that tells you that you would be so much happier or more fulfilled if you would just… 

I get that.  I think that’s a great focus this season to let go of some of those voices, some of that negativity.  I love that intentionality and purpose of reminding oneself repeatedly that there is someone greater that you belong to, respond to, and answer to – not just some voice inside your head.

If this Ash Wednesday brings a day that marks the beginning of a season of repentance and spiritual renewal, then we have to ask ourselves the hard questions.  I love some of the ones that Rachel Held Evans lifts up in her blog, http://rachelheldevans.com/40-ideas-for-lent-2011.  What do we need to repent from?  What consistently stands in our way to feel the freedom of Christ?  What voices or people or hurts or situations have held us back from that abundant life?  What are those fears and doubts that we can let go and repentant of during this season?  How can we move closer and closer to that freedom, even if it means making hard choices and decisions?

And then drawing towards that spiritual renewal, how can we be more intentional in our drawing closer to God?  Does that mean giving up facebook, or does that mean we’re intentional and Christ-centered when we post, comment or spend time on facebook?  Just like this blog (http://penelopepiscopal.blogspot.com/2011/03/are-you-christian-giving-up-social.html) writes, I’d hate for Christians to stop shining their lights during a season when the world needs to hear and know the power of repentance and also resurrection.

Don't go with the tag line, but how many of us go through life distracted by the next shiny object in front of us? Or are we grounded and focused in the midst. (Not trying to take out all spontaneity but you get the point.)

In a recent column in Entertainment Weekly, Mark Harris writes a piece called “Taking Multitasking to Task.”  I loved it.  It really spoke to me in profound ways about how we’re living this world in which doing everything is expected and when you don’t it’s frowned upon.  For some of us, instead of diving into the hard stuff, the more difficult, the more challenging, we’ll keep consuming a lot of the easier or more fluff things, just so that we can do a gazillion things at once and say that we’re connected and on top of things.  For some of us, trying to be all places for all people is easier when we skim the surface and don’t take time to listen, reflect, discern and really meet with people or God.  Maybe y’all don’t relate to that.  He closes his piece with, “I have friends who’ve recently taken their own steps toward reclaiming control–one is trying internet-free Sundays; another has sworn off texting while in the presence of actual human beings.  So, in that spirit, this year I plan to hold to the principle that half of my focus is always the wrong amount–that someitmes the TV can go off, or the laptop can be put away, or Google can wait.  I’m going to try to undivide my attention, and see if my entertainment choices (and my thoughts about them) get any sharper as a result.  It couldn’t hurt.  Well, that’s a lie.  The scary thing is, it hurts already.”  He’s talking about entertainment, but there’s a part of Lent in there for me. 

What do we give our full attention?  A more pertinent question to me probably – do I ever give anything my full attention?  Are we running through our to do lists for the day when we do our morning devotion or are our minds in ten different places as we’re working on our sermons or our small groups or our Sunday school classes?  What gets our full attention?

When I look at how these 40 days are supposed to be a time of Spiritual Renewal, I have to ask myself honestly where my attention and focus will be and how I’m going to invite the Spirit to lead me and guide me in the disciplines or the actions that will be undertaken.  If I’m doing it, just to have an answer when someone asks me what I’m giving up or adding for Lent, then that’s rubbish. 

There’s something that he said at the end of the article.  He says, “The scary thing is, it hurts already.”  I’m not saying we beat ourselves up for Lent and what we give up or add shouldn’t be a contest for who is the most devout Christian (although I do wonder how many viewers that tv show would get week to week.)  We need to discern where we are.  We need to focus our attention on the Word of God and see what will help draw us towards repentance and renewal and go with it – with the grace, mercy, leading and strength of One who knows us far better than we even know ourselves.

Two things I’ll leave you with.  There some of my favorite things to use during Lent.  The first is from Jan Richardson’s In Wisdom’s Path.  She says, “The season begins with ashes and invites us into a time of stripping away all that distracts us from recognizing the God who dwells at our core.  Reminding us that we are ashes and dust, God beckons us during Lent to consider what is elemental and essential in our lives.  As a season of preparation for the mysteries of death and resurrection, it is a stark season.”  Hopefully it’s not just a stark season – something different than normal – but a rich season.

Roberta Porter is one of my most favorite writers for Alive Now, she writes in her prayer,

Broken Open

Culture’s message is immediate

fulfillment, gratification.

But when I hungrily seek control

in my power, with my plans,

I am full, brimming over

with empty calories,

and strangely unfulfilled.

I pray to be broken open – unafraid

of change – and pour out pride.

My Spirit fast teaches me

as I am willing to yield,

more space for grace appears,

and more of Christ,

Bread of Life,

is revealed.

When the ashes are put upon our heads either this morning, midday, tonight, may we remember that we are dust and to dust we will become again and may we take the days and months and years ahead to focus and retreat to the One who goes before us, beside us, and sometimes even pushing us to grasp hold of this thing called abundant life.

One last one, because I love this one too.  Also from Alive Now the March/April 2001 edition…

Quiet Day Retreat

To be quiet, both without and within –

to welcome silence and space

and unbroken meditation.

I have not given up food

– the typical fast –

but I’ve emptied my mind

for an hour, or a day.

I’ve overturned it like a bowl,

forbidding entry of my plans, my chores.

Then come thoughts and reflections,

then come inspiration

and then I can return refreshed

to the frantic daily world.

What sort of fast is this?

A fast from calendars, schedules, from self-important busyness.

Or is it a feast?

A feast of stillness, reverence, waiting.

No matter — I am renewed and filled

with precious gifts of spirit and God’s presence.

- Nadine N. Doughty